Preventing Dysfunction in Children through Effective Parenting part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my child will not come to understand things on their own, generally speaking, because they are not born into this world with an ability to speak or think, that is something they learn from their parents and/or those in their environment from a young age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is not my responsibility as a parent to explain and show to my child how reality works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I do not know how reality works that I cannot support my child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my education as a child was not effective and did not prepare me to support a child of my own effectively and thus I must rebuild my understanding of reality, and this will take time, at least 7 years, because that is how long it took for me to build an understanding (albeit ineffectively) of reality as child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that parenting is less about 'how' and more about 'who' meaning that as a parent, I cannot impose something on my child that I am not, because they will learn from who I am more than they will learn from what I say that is in contradiction with who I am and how I behave and what I say in the moments where I am speaking and acting automatically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that unless I rebuild my vocabulary from the ground up, I will influence my child with bias, incorrect definitions of words, and behavioral patterns that are not best, and thus if I am seeing behavioral patterns in my child that are not best, I must first check to see where I have accepted and allowed such a pattern within and address that before I will be able to effectively direct my child, and if I do not have children yet, then this is something I must do BEFORE I have children in order to prevent consequences that are much more difficult to change AFTER THE FACT.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I see behavior in my children that I cannot understand where it is coming from, I now understand that it is either coming from, my influence directly (in other words, something I said or did), from my DNA/memories (something that is within me or past generations that I transferred genetically), from another person in their environment, from an external influence like TV or the internet or an advertisement, or from the environment itself from the perspective of the system we live in creating stress for example in the body of the mother which would create stress/survival patterns in the developing fetus, or from an expectation that is being placed on them to behave within which they do not understand clearly what is expected, why they should act in a certain way, and/or do not have the vocabulary yet to either understand or express themselves in the expected way. In other words, the child comes into this world innocent and is influenced in many different ways to become the child I am now seeing that is behaving in a certain way, and thus it is not the child as who they are that is the issue, it is the influences, and thus I must stop in those moments when I get frustrated at their behavior and really look to see where is the influence that is creating this behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to punish and control my child's behavior as a quick fix instead of doing the investigation necessary to really understand where the behavior is coming from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/expect my child to just do what I tell them to rather than take the time and effort to explain things in as much detail as possible so the child understands clearly what I am saying and has as much context as possible to really process what I am asking them to do or not do and why it is best or not best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a parent to believe that I just have to get my child to survive long enough to leave the house and then they will be ok, when in reality it is the first 7 years and the influences and information that is programmed into the child that will determine what happens to them, what position they achieve in the system, and their emotional stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that children are programmable, and that just because I don't understand all the influences and how they have created my child as they are, that does not mean that a child is not programmed, it just means I don't see all the details, so it just looks like a child is born and then magically becomes who they are, but that is not how it works, and that is not how it worked for me, I was influenced to become the person I am today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am the product of my parents and my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I do not investigate all the points where I act within self interest, then I am going to destroy my child's innocence and cause them to become someone I hate, even though I will make myself feel love towards them, it will always be an experience of swinging back and forth between the 2 extremes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that my responsibility as a parent is to develop my child to express themselves as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have defined Life as survival, and thus I must begin the process of questioning the value of living only to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing more than survival in this world other than experiencing temporary happiness, but when I am honest with myself I realize that I spend the vast majority of my life trying to survive and only fleeting moments of experiencing happy feelings, and thus what is the point of that?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as a parent, I have the opportunity to influence another being in a way that would make the world a better place for all, and thus I have a great responsibility to change myself to be able to support another person from the very beginning, or to correct the points where I didn't direct things effectively from the beginning, and that this is the real purpose of being a parent, not just to get my child to survive until adulthood.

to be continued...