How Do I Measure My Inner Change?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my measurement of my inner change on how I feel day to day or moment to moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I feel good, then I am changing for the better, and if I feel bad, then I am not changing for the better, when in fact participating in feelings, per se, is not a valid measurement of self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning and assess how I feel and within that participate in thoughts of how the day will go based on how I feel upon waking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, while it is not best to suppress my feelings and emotions, using them to determine whether I have changed for the better is not the best way to measure inner change, because feelings run on cycles and are based on acceptance of the mind as energy seeking device as the self-directive principle instead of myself here directing myself as what is best within common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my assessment of my interaction with another person on how I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my assessment as to whether I am supporting another person or myself based on whether I and/or the other person feels good or bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking the truth to myself or another because this might cause me or the other person to feel bad, however if we do not face the negative feelings and only continue to suppress them, then how will we ever come to terms with reality as what it currently exists as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from others and not face their wrath, just as I have wanted to hide from myself, from my mind, and not face the negative feelings that my mind will put me through when I challenge its authority as directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that even if I go too far with another person in terms of challenging their acceptances and allowances and they feel bad, they are ultimately responsible for themselves, and ultimately I know that I would and do forgive others who challenge me and say things that trigger negative emotions, and I know that I am willing to place myself in situations where I must face my negative emotions, and thus if someone is in my presence and I see that they are accepting something less than who they are, I must be willing to challenge it, in myself and in them, and face the negative feelings that come up within me towards another person either rejecting me, which is not really rejecting me, just rejecting self-honesty within letting go of their feelings and emotions as their directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for stepping out of character, for pushing myself beyond my comfort zone, within facing the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions, as well as the positive ones, that exist in this world, as I realize that there is not real positivity in fact, just everyone covering up the negative with a positive veneer, and the only way for us to create a better world is to face this negativity, because we are using it to destroy ourselves and this earth and the Life that have been freely given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being someone that others dislike.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked rather than focus on the real physical effect of my being here on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my potential to move past all limitations within myself and to support others to do the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want others to judge me and my process, when the only one who can know who I really am within is me, and yet it must show externally in what I do and the effect of my being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing in the open and allowing others to see my current flaws, and yet within that give myself the opportunity to push beyond, to correct that within me which is not best, not looking for validation from others but looking for the physical change in reality where we are placing more and more focus on solving real problems, the primary one being the Money system, and in order to make a change in that, we must change how we are educating children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my past mistakes, and within that use them as an excuse to stay within my comfort zone, which is the zone where my mind reigns supreme and only my feelings matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place ANY VALUE on how another feels or how I feel, when the reality is that this is a complete distraction, because all feelings are coming from a system that is not best for all where all do not receive equally - and the more I allow my and others feelings to have validity and direction over what I say and do (which does not mean that I cannot consider where a person is at in order to direct them effectively, same as with myself), the less effect I will have in reality as what is best because we will never be able to change the money system to one of equality if people are placing their feelings as more important than common sense - if whether someone eats is based on the same type of up and down as feelings, then this world will always be a mess and this will only cause more suffering, thus I am willing to stop and to challenge my feelings, and that may mean at times challenging others to push myself beyond where I feel comfortable, but at the end of the day, every pattern I see in another is within me.

I commit myself to investigate all patterns in others towards which I react using writing, self forgiveness, and self correction to remove the pattern from within me, and then I am able to support another to remove the pattern within them, even if just by my example, my sharing of my process, or by being in their face and reflecting back what they are accepting and allowing.

I commit myself to push myself beyond where I FEEL that I want to go, to not use my feelings as the measurement of my effect in this world, but to instead measure my effect by: am I sharing more? Am I making more videos? am I writing SF consistently? Am I seeing more of others begin their process or push themselves within their process? Am I holding back or suppressing my expression in order to not feel something or am I doing what makes sense to me in the moment? Am I THINKING or am I expressing? Am I forgiving myself or am I justifying myself? Am I feeling or am I living and acting and expressing? Are MORE people walking this process in my environment? Am I taking on MORE responsibility or less? I will only accept MORE from myself as what is best.