Sacrificing the Moment for a Future That Never Comes

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is the small daily, breath by breath actions that accumulate into the big picture of my life and this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions of anticipation for an event in the future, expecting and hoping that event to bring me some feeling of satisfaction, peace, joy, relaxation, respite, rest, happiness, etc when I have been sacrificing the everyday moments where I could be creating that which I want while waiting for the 'big event' to come.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that by placing my expectation on a future event to bring me some form of happiness that I am thus allowing myself to remain open to manipulation of how I am living in the day to day, moment to moment. For example: by placing all my expectation of happiness onto a holiday like christmas or a vacation or as party, I allow myself to experience frustration, unhappiness, on a moment to moment basis during the days, weeks, and months leading up to the event I am looking forward to, and thus I am missing out on why I am feeling negatively during the moment moment, day to day, not questioning what I am really participating in both within and without in the day to day. Another example: I place my children in school and force them to go each day, rushing them to wake up, go to school, come home, do their homework, hurry up and eat, shower and go to bed only to repeat, looking forward to that small amount of time where we can spend some moments of happiness over the holiday, not realizing that all I am doing in fact is participating in a moment to moment negative experience, self honestly I am not in fact enjoying the moment to moment, I feel stressed, I feel rushed, I feel like I 'just have to get through it' - doing all of this to justify the experience of an amazing positive experience of happiness in that small, but seemingly big, moment of the holiday, for example, but even within that I can feel the tension and stress still there - and thus I realize that the whole thing is a lie - I never actually experience anything real, substantial as happiness, it is more like the build up and release of a sneeze, where I experience a lot of friction and then eventually release,

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that everything I have defined as positive only has meaning and value in contrast to the negative that I must go through in order to create the positive experience, and thus I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that by participating in this cycle, I am in fact teaching my children, by example, to do the same and condemning them to a life of mostly negative experience punctuated by brief moments of relative 'happiness' but deep down I know that it is not real happiness, it is just me participating in a short-lived cookie cutter, pre-set system where I can believe that I am enjoying the company of my loved ones for a moment, but it is not real self-expression of happiness or joy, it is just me playing a game, without question, for no other reason than that I have never questioned it and stopped and asked myself 'what would be the actual best way to experience myself on earth and how would that look in relation to everyone else on earth'.

I commit myself to investigate through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application all the ways in which I participate in the negative (and positive) in the little breath by breath moment to moment basis in anticipation of something bigger at some point in the future and to thus stop participation and realign my living to be of substance and practically best for all in EACH MOMENT because I realize that it is the moment to moment basis that creates my life, not the temporary, short lived moments, and thus I commit myself to show others, as a living example as well as through communication, that we can create a life here on earth, together, where each moment is of substance and value if we would start paying attention to what we accept and allow in ourselves in each moment and to question that, forgive ourselves and realign our living in each moment to what is best for all, and within that the expression and experience of all on earth will be a moment to moment experience of what is best, and thus there will be no need to ever again look to the future for some promise of reward as the reward will be Here present in each moment as a gift we are giving to ourselves and each other simply through our individual and thus collective self responsibility for what we accept and allow in each moment, as that is all, practically we can really direct ourselves as individuals.