My Path as My Pathology

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that there is no such thing as 'my path' as a path implies a track that has already been laid, and thus I cannot walk a path that does not already exist, and thus I allow myself to realize that I must choose between being the one who wants to get credit for apparently creating something on my own, or whether I want the result of walking a path that I know will lead me to what is best.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the root of the word 'path' is 'to suffer'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in the desire to walk my own path, I am wanting to experience my own suffering, alone, justified as unique, without conisdering the suffering of all, and that my suffering is in fact another's suffering and vice versa, and thus the only path that is valid, is the one that stops ALL SUFFERING, and thus does not create a specialness towards suffering as 'mine'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that suffering as a path in itself will only lead to more suffering, and that justifying 'my life' as 'my path' is a statement that I am only interested in my own suffering and therefore my own personal experience of victory over suffering, which is the ESSENCE of EGO.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unique and special and therefore my experience here on earth is unique and special and that I am therefore justified in how I am living my life.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am in fact not unique in I, like everyone else, am nothing more than a copy, a clone, of my parents and my environment in the first 7 years of my life.

I forgive myself that I haven't realized that in my belief that I am unique and special, I am just like everyone else, as everyone believe this about themselves at some level, whether consciously recognized or not, because we all act/live in this world only from the starting point of considering what we experience internally regardless of the consequences it produce for others/the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can figure out life all on my own, when in fact the desire to do so is all the proof that I need that I will never figure it out, because within that statement, I am accepting that I will only do what I gives me the feeling/experience that I am figuring out things on my own and thus I will not use support that is available through/from others even if it is the best way/path for me to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that 'walking my own path' is actually an acceptance and justification for the continued existence of me as ego as an energetic experience of myself, and thus I will only move myself as the experience of cycles of up and down, because these cycles reconfirm to me that I am walking my own path, that I am trying to figure things out, that I, even in my struggle, am doing my best, even though, self honestly, I realize that I am not 'getting anywhere' I am always returning to the same point, which is the experience of struggle, which was what I originally accepted as my starting point in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the experience of struggle is in itself a selfish shell game that I use to create the experience of myself as more when I appear to overcome the struggle experience and experience myself as a victor, as an achiever, as an overcomer, as a unique individual who knows how to win against all odds, and within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the individual can never win, if the collective loses in anyway because, that will always cause the individual to return to a state of losing and struggle, and within this I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that this is the game I have decided to play and that, even though I tell myself that I hate the struggle, I secretly enjoy it, because I believe that I will eventually get to experience the sweet joy of winning and overcoming, and the story that I will tell myself and my children and write down for others to glorify me, and yet, in reality, I have accomplished nothing, because the world has not changed, the system has not changed, and children continue to be born into the world and programmed to go through the exact same cycles that I am going through and thus I am the one that is causing the suffering in the world and not even considering that some only ever experience the HOPE of winning and use my experience of temporary winning as the justification of the HOPE and thus I am the REAL ABUSER because I am convincing everyone as myself that this game is valid, and yet I know, deep down, that if I could see a way out, I would stop, but I don't want to be the first one, because that would be admitting defeat, that would make me feel like a loser, and I have resisted accepting and allowing myself to realize that Life is already lost, that I am already a loser, that we are ALL losing, and that the only way to stop losing is to STOP PLAYING THE GAME.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed to realize that there is ONLY ONE PATH to freedom in this world and that is to support, one by one, every person on this planet, including myself, to stop playing the game of winner and loser, which is simply creating negative to experience positive, and that this game starts in the womb and is reinforced in childhood and mastered through the current education system, where the only reward that matters is self-reward as positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be truly humble and to realize that the path to stopping this game and thus the path to true freedom has already been mapped out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist walking the one, true path to freedom, using the excuse that I don't want to be a follower and that it is like accepting just another religion, or that it is giving someone else the credit, when in fact these are all points that I have placed as roadblocks or firewalls that will prevent me from walking the path, but I have done it to myself and thus using any form of excuse or justification is really just exposing that I DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE, which shows that I am the real problem in this world.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that I do in fact want to change, and that I CAN change and that willingness to change is simply a decision and that if I stick to my decision then nothing in this world can stop me because everything I experience as resistance to change is just something that is from the past as a reflection of my previous decision to play the energy game, thus it is not valid as a reason to go back, it is just like evidence of my prior mistakes, and that I can use these resistances to strengthen my resolve and that as I move through resistance I will become even more certain within my decision to STOP.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that the only valid 'my path' is the the process of stopping 'my pathology' which is the game within myself where I want to figure things out for myself, get credit, overcome, be special, be unique, win, etc while disregarding the lives and suffering others.

I see/realize that we are all walking as pathologies and thus we must stop this whole 'my path' game and walk together the process of freedom until all are free.

I see/realize that there is no 'path' to figure out. We are already on the path. We are just walking in the wrong direction. We must stop, turn around, and go back to the beginning, where we all first started as equals and one, and this is one meaning of the statement, Everything is In Reverse, and this is the only Valid Path, because is the the only path. It is the path we are already on. It is the only way to stop. To go back to the beginning and then come to an agreement of where to walk together equal and one, so that there is no longer a path to walk, no longer a track laid out, but only all of us together as equals and one expressing who we are, not leaving tracks that condition us into a form of slavery and following, but expressing REAL LIFE, whatever that may be.

I commit myself to challenge EVERY POINT within myself where I desire to feel special or to get credit for being unique or powerful or impressive, as I realize that these are only points that feed my ego and show that I am not willing to STOP ALL GAMES, because when everyone STOPS no one will care who was the first or who is the last, because we will have stopped that game and we will be Here and focused on sorting out this reality to a point where we all WIN, and thus I will stand as a living example that the ONLY THING that matters is STOPPING THIS ENERGY GAME and equalizing ourselves and acting as ONE so that ALL WIN at all times. That is not possible if I place myself as more or less than the collective. The Individual and the Collective are illusions where they create winning and losing, they are only valid in the context of creating, maintaining, and/or improving the balance of equality and oneness of all Life.

I commit myself to be a living example of one who stands in the path of those who are stuck on the treadmill of 'their unique path' showing the dishonesty, exposing the bullshit until they wake up and walk with me as I am walking with others as equal and one on this path back to the starting point where we fucked up in the first place.