Tuesday, April 30, 2019

The Desire for Acceptance and the Fear of Rejection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance of others within the form of me always getting a good, warm, welcoming response from another and that if I do not, then I believe that I am being ostracized or persecuted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond emotionally to situations where I perceive that my ideas or my actions are not accepted by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on the feedback within myself as to whether I feel good or bad or neutral towards the response that I perceive from another when I speak or act, not realizing that this would indicate that I am acting/speaking from within the mind as seeking an energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for ways in which people are either accepting or rejecting me, whether in what I say or do, and to actively scan my environment and look for clues and evidence as to how people are responding to me in order to fuel an energetic game within myself of positive/negative feeling response.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can be here in reality taking full responsibility for what I say and do and thus create as an effect in reality and measure the physical effect in reality and assess whether it is best for all or not - and within this I realize that this is only really possible individually when I am clear within myself, meaning I have stopped my mind as a self-interest energy seeking machine and aligned as an equal and one map of reality through purifying and clarifying my vocabulary so that it is in alignment with how physical reality actually operates, and thus within this even though I realize that this is a process, this one of the reasons why it is important to walk within the group as a way to cross-reference what I say and do to check with others and support me within facing my reactions towards others so that I am able to face the reality of myself in a real time manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the past, feel hurt within me, when another does not accept something that I say or do as valid or appropriate or acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate/want to manipulate others in order to give myself feedback as either positive (I am doing the right thing) or negative (which I interpret as I am being misunderstood or persecuted) and to thus not see that I am treating others as a character in my mind for the purpose of maintaining a character in my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as either inferior or superior towards another, and give their opinion of what I say or do more weight than my own ability to be self-honest and forgive myself - and thus I realize that the key is for me to be completely and totally self-honest within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not know how to be self-honest, and that I do not yet fully trust myself within being self-honest, not realizing that self-honesty is in a moment, a decision to either embrace what I am seeing/feeling/thinking and look at it without judgment but really allow myself to see where it is coming from, where it is taking me, and to stop in the moment and forgive myself until I am Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this process is hard, difficult, and impossible - when in self-honesty I know that I have nothing to really lose by being honest with myself and forgiving myself - and that I am already in a state of being lost, and thus I am doing this for myself to support myself to really be here and live for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am Life, and that everything here is Life, and yet I am not yet allowing myself to Live fully as Who I Am - and thus my process is to support me to live as who I really am - the reality is that I cannot become something that I am not in fact, which is why this reality as it is currently structured is not working, because we are all attempting to be something we are not, trying to get something more than we are, but also within that not seeing/recognizing/discovering who we really are, which could in fact be something really cool - because look at how much we have 'created' within NOT knowing/living who we really are - and even though my imagination is tainted by this world as it is, meaning it is perhaps impossible imagine clearly anything outside of how the world currently operates, I can somehow SEE that there is a potential for myself and everyone else, this entire world, to live and exist in a way that is transcending everything of how it is currently, and I realize that this is not something that can just happen magically, but that it requires every point within this world, this reality, all beings, to live and cooperate together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for feeling the need to compete with and control others, when in the context of how the world is currently, of course that need and want would be existent within me, it is not because I am a 'bad' person, it is because I have accepted the patterns of those that went before me (which could even include me in a past life) without question as if this is all there is and ever could be and now I am waking up, standing up, realizing that there could be 'more' than what is here, from the perspective that what is here is not real, it is not what is best, and that it doesn't mean that I need to now seek something 'more' than what is here, because I have come to realize that what is 'here' is just what we have attempted to create with what is ACTUALLY here but without considering how to create within the context of what is best always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not surviving, not existing, not being here anymore, when as I look around me, I see that there really isnt anything here of real value from the perspective of how things are structured and the patterns that we are participating within - it is not that the physical world itself is of no value, because that is all there is, as far as I know, but it is that we are not looking at the real equal value of all things and considering all things equally as how to structure and pattern things in a way that no one is harmed, and so things accumulate and move towards a state where it looks like virtually no one is left or will be left unharmed at some point - and so the point of not seeing any value in anything, is simply a statement/realization that we are not utilizing/being/living what is here within equal value for all and thus only creating illusions as relationships and experiences of no real value because they are all at some point/level going to create/are creating consequence that is not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this world is unfair, when this world is a product of who I am - and even though I can't see how/that I created everything here directly, it is still a product of the starting point of only considering myself within self-interest as how I FEEL and thus the world system requires each of us to continue accepting this as our own starting point of existing for the world system to continue to exist as is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/appreciate the opportunity that I have been given to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/appreciate the opportunity that I have been given through the labor of others to be a part of the/a group on earth that is dedicated/committed to changing this world to be best for all and thus supporting all those who take it upon themselves to change according to do so within the context of a group.

I commit myself to continue uncovering, facing, deconstructing, deleting, removing, changing all those patterns and acceptances and allowances within myself that are currently preventing me from always acting/speaking/living in the way that is best for all, and which I have accepted and allowed to speak/act/live for me automatically, through writing, self-forgiveness, and self correction.

I commit myself to use all reaction within myself that comes up as I interact within my world as a point of self-support, that is - bringing it back to myself, seeing where I am limiting myself or where a pattern is existent or an acceptance and/or allowance is existent within which is behind the reaction, as the reaction always indicates, at some level, the existence of a character that is wanting/seeking energy to exist and thus I take it upon myself to take responsibility for all those layers of characters that exist within me, to release those patterns and set myself as who I really am, as a physical body/physical being free from automated patterns that are not best for all.

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