Fear of a Feeling

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to fully realize that fear is cured by action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place hope and faith that things in my life will magically change and that I will magically feel more confident and then I can suddenly do more, when this is not how a reality based in space and time functions - things take time, and they require action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I choose to do that which I know to not be best for all, I weaken myself and I create myself as that which is not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only do that which comes easily or naturally to me - that I cannot decide to do something outside of my pre-programming - realizing that yes, when I attempt to do something outside of my pre-programming, I will likely fail, but I will learn more about what I need to change so that eventually I can create a new program within and that which is hard will eventually become easy or at least feel natural and require less 'motivation' within myself to do.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I was a baby, virtually nothing was natural or came easy, and yet because I did not have a mind to participate in, I just did that which I saw or heard and eventually it became second nature - but now that I have a mind, I spend most of my time participating in thoughts and feelings and thus I do not just simply do that which I see and hear that is best - instead, I think about and I stop myself from acting - the exact thing that would, over time, allow me to develop new habits and new patterns which would change my life (and everyone else's) for the better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself from doing that which is best for me through participating in the fear of experiencing a feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question why I am afraid of feeling certain things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to how I feel rather than what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say 'I will apply myself later' when I think it will be easier, but not in the heat of the moment where it feels hard or difficult, but that is the moment that truly matters, that is the moment of transcendence, because if it feels easy, I am not in fact changing, because 'easy = a program is running' and thus if it feels easy, I am only working within my pre-programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if I am not constantly pushing my comfort zone, then I am not expanding outside of my comfort zone and thus I am not moving beyond the creation that I am already within and thus I will only ever be reacting to consequences that are being generated from my current pre-programming.

I commit myself to stand in the moment of change, to do what is best, to allow myself to experience the emotions and feelings that I fear to experience, and to walk through the fear and to do what is best - and when I fail in a moment like that, to evaluate what it was that I feared in self-honesty that I allowed to decide who I am instead of me deciding who I am.