Trapped in a Prison of Love

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize that every relationship that I have ever formed was based on the desire to create energy for myself in the form of experience and memories.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I experience a feeling or an energy within me when talking to someone, looking at someone, interacting with someone, thinking about someone or even simply being with someone that I am in fact converting my physical body as the physical substance into the energy that I am experiencing, that I am in fact sacrificing a part of me physically in order to experience this energy and that the energy is not coming from nowhere and it is not coming from the other person and it is not coming from "God" as I perceive God to be something that can supply me with energy without end with no consequence.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that every relationship I have formed/am within has either fallen apart due to this desire for me to experience energy or has entered a state of 'stability' where there is agreement either tacit or explicit that I am allowed to use the relationship to generate energy for myself, and this we sometimes call love but other times we call it co-dependency or other times we call it abuse or sometimes we call it just an easy and simple relationship depending on whether we have defined the relationship in positive/negative/ or neutral terms, but in all of these cases I am participating in emotions, thoughts and feelings, within myself that come up automatically and which I justify in my mind in many different ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting energy for myself is the purpose of a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is on other way to exist in relationship without the experience or constant generation of feelings, emotions and thoughts to/towards the other person or myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the obvious point that the energy called love is temporary, which is why we have terms like 'the honeymoon phase' and that this is the main driver of divorce and separation between married couples where because the partners never established a real physical support and standing within the principle of what is best for all, they only ever participated in feelings and emotions and when the spark goes out they search for a new spark within an affair or a new marriage or a new sports car or a new baby, and never question the starting point of using relationship or another person as a way to generate a feeling within oneself.


I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I and society calls 'love' is really nothing more than just an experience of an energetic feeling within oneself and that this feeling is generated within according to certain symbols which will vary from person to person and some of which are common to most people, and that in itself this feeling is of no value other than the value I have placed on it, and yet I haven't realized that the feeling is actually a form of self abuse.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forget/ignore all the times I have felt bad or negative as a result of me not feeling love towards/from another person's actions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the desire to feel love or any other feeling is no different to a drug addict who is doing a drug to feel a certain feeling as positive or to attempt to cover up/suppress a feeling of something as negative.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that many atrocities and abuse are done in the name of love.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have justified abusing myself and others through love.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize how I and others are allowing ourselves to manipulated and controlled through the word 'love'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am able to do what is best for myself and another even without any feeling of 'love' whatsoever, because doing what is best is a physical action and 'love' is a feeling, in so far as I have defined it in that way.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that only a being who has not had what they really need would search for a feeling of love, because a being who is supported to have what they need and to be competent to coexist in the world in a way that is best for all would have no feeling of lack ever and thus within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the desire to experience love is based on my acceptance and allowance of a starting point of lack within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on love primarily as a feeling within myself and that when I am self honest with myself I can see how I have participated in this feeling within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to understand that the reason participating in love as a feeling is not best for all is that it is simple/easy to manipulate how I feel or how another feels through symbols which are not real/offer no substance and are not in fact giving to another person what is best for them, but these symbols generate a feeling and that the abuse comes from the point that I will use the feeling as confirmation that love is existing instead of looking at whether an action has produced a result that is best, physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone experiencing the feeling of love within themselves is more important than having their physical needs met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that suffering and abuse exist on earth because God loves us and wants to give us free will so that we may love him freely, when in fact I am only justifying that the abuse continue as long as I am able to feel the energy of love within me, not realizing that if I were on a planet where everything I need physically is guaranteed and that I could trust all other beings in fact because all had the starting point to always do what was best, that this state of existence would be positive beyond anything I have ever felt or could even imagine feeling, because I have only ever experienced a temporary, fleeting feeling called love in the context of a world where lack, competition, and abuse is the norm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love in a relationship, where love is based on each partner's desire for a feeling, guarantees that the relationship will likely fail or will never produce an outcome that is best for all, because each partner will compromise themselves in order to generate the feeling, where one would not stand up for what is best because it might jeopardize one's ability to generate the feeling of love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for considering that I should not participate in the feeling of love, which would indicate that in fact, love is the same as guilt and that love implies guilt - guilt being 'original sin' or 'flawed human nature' or the acceptance that humans are inherently bad, showing that love is a reaction to this internalized guilt to make oneself feel better about accepted the 'fact' that one is bad and cannot change, when it is the participation in feelings over doing what is best that makes one 'bad' in fact and that this CAN be changed through self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that just because something 'feels good' that it has no bearing on whether it is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge drug addicts when in fact I am addicted to feelings and emotions and thoughts as energy.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the consequence of placing feelings and emotions as more important than simply doing what is best is that my relationships will be subject to the ebb and flow of emotion and the influence of media where the game is to attempt to manipulate my and my partner's feelings and emotions through symbols to put me into a state where I feel 'not good enough' so that I will seek out things to buy or do that will make me feel 'good'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have used the threat of withholding love as a way to control the behavior of others and that this is the primary control mechanism that parents use to control their children which produces a society of adults that feel unloved and thus are always seeking love instead of being stable within themselves, giving as they want to receive, where giving is a physical action, not an experience within themselves and that I can never know what another person is feeling but I can assess with common sense whether I am giving to them what is best.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that love is a trap, which we use to ensnare other into a special relationship that gives energy to our minds and which traps us in cycles of addition as we need more and more everytime we come down from the feeling of love and that this is a major driving force behind consumerism as is evident in holidays like valentine's day and christmas where symbolism is used to generate feelings so that we do not question why we are trading our time for money to buy gifts for each other that have no physical value while half the world starves.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have trapped myself in a prison of love that blinds me from what is really going on on earth and that I use this feeling to entertain me instead of focusing my attention on real problems and the one REAL problem that faces me which is death and that I have not allowed myself to realize that the feeling of love will end at death and that this proves that love is not real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I and everyone else are trapped in a prison where everyone is looking for love and in this is not GIVING what all would require as physical needs for this prison to become a paradise, in fact, and that no one is willing to GIVE first because we all only really care about our own feeling of love inside, and yet not realizing that the ONLY WAY to get love for real, everlasting, is to ensure that everyone has what they need so that there is no more need for competition or fighting or struggle for survival and that this condition would create a family of man where each one love each other as themselves.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that REAL LOVE would be to create a system that ensures that all have equally what they require to exist in an optimal state, here, physically, and that all feelings, whether negative or positive, are unimportant and of no value where they interfere with the creation of such a system, and thus I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to place feelings in the proper context, where as I walk the process of self correction as myself and this world, I GIVE to all and myself equally and thus I will eventually RECEIVE equally which is what LOVE ought to be, as a physical expression and manifestation.

I commit myself to investigate all the ways in which I have used 'love' as a feeling within myself as a justification to not consider how I am living/acting in relationships practically/physically.

I commit myself to investigate and uncover and expose all the ways in which we have used love in society in order to justify abuse and consumerism that have caused consequences that are not best for all.

I commit myself to stand as an example that one can do what is best for all and yet not expect any feelings of love or participate in feelings of love, nor any feelings at all, and within this I commit myself to the process of stopping all feelings as this will support me to stand here within the principle of what is best for all where I am able to do what needs to be done, no matter how I feel, and thus I am no longer allowing myself to be controlled and manipulated by those who have mastered the law of attraction to distract us from what is here, because I stand clear, breath by breath, assessing my reality and doing what is necessary to adjust the system so that REAL LOVE as giving to all equally can in fact exist for the first time on earth.