Freedom isn't Free when Survival has a Pricetag

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that in my current form with the world as it is, I do not have real freedom.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I am a slave to both my mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and to the world-system as a consumer and user of the money system, and that without having thoughts, feelings, and emotions as motivators to act, I would be lost, and without money to use to by the things that I need, I would have no way to survive in this world, and that without a money system and laws to dictate to me the ways that are acceptable/possible for me to make money I would not be able to do anything this world except beg for money/steal from others who are participating in the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that capitalism, as it is, is justified because it gives me a sense of freedom, but this freedom is only something in my imagination because when I am honest with myself, I realize that I cannot do anything without money and money preoccupies most of my time and energy, and that the 'freedom' that I experience within capitalism is actually a program that was instilled into me as a belief from a young age and that images of communism and socialism producing abusive and horrible life conditions for many have been used to imprint these thoughts and feelings of capitalism being superior, because emotion creates memories, and that I am not allowing myself to realize that even in a capitalist system, millions live in poverty, physical, sexual and emotional abuse is rampant, divorce rates are high and there is always the constant threat that the system will be brought down by those that are on the lacking end of the system.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the alternative to capitalism is neither socialism nor communism nor any system that has ever existed or been conceived of previously because all of those systems are conceived of within the starting point that human nature cannot be changed, and thus the only options that are seen as possible, within that starting point are absolute dictatorial control (which is obviously unacceptable) and absolute freedom to do whatever one wants, even to abuse within the bounds of law which simply defines what kind of abuse is acceptable and who is protected from the consequences of abuse (those who have money) - which is also obviously unacceptable, and that if I were to consider that human nature can change to be benevolent and consider what is best for all, then a system that maximizes freedom and yet does not allow for abuse would be possible, but this would only be possible in a world where all are choosing what is best as self-willed equals, all with an equal capacity to process information and to live effectively without fear or mistrust between individuals.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to consider that human nature can change to that where a human being considers what is best for all life at all times and always act within that starting point.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the examples I have seen or that I imagine where humans are abusive, and thus use to justify that human nature cannot change, are all from within the context of a system that is not giving to each what they require to live effectively and thus setup, in advance of a person being born, a set of rules where the only way to have what one needs and wants is to abuse others and oneself.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to question my belief that human nature cannot change to be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in questioning whether human nature can change, to immediately reject the possibility that it can, not realizing that this is a program of thought and belief imbued with energy and feeling that is a defense mechanism placed into me, which I have accepted, by the system to ensure it's own survival regardless of the cost of human life, including mine and those of my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that billionaires are justified because secretly I want to be a billionaire even though, self honestly, I don't believe I can be a billionaire because I also believe that being a billionaire is abusive and I would like to pretend that I am not abusive even though I secretly envy the life of a billionaire and therefore would justify the existence of billionaires, making me an accomplice to the abuse that is required to be a billionaire in the context of the current system, and yet the reality is, the reason I am not a billionaire is simply because I do not have the program of a billionaire, it is not about choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being rich or poor is a choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have choice in the current system, which I call freedom, even though my choices are extremely limited and virtually every choice, reagardless of what I choose in that choice, will lead to abuse in some form either directly or indirectly of myself and/or others, because that is the nature of the system currently, because that is the nature of human beings currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy being a billionaire because I want to experience a lifestyle of luxury.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only valid reason for becoming a billionaire in the system is to be in a position to adjust the system to one that supports all life equally and yet no billionaire that currently exists is doing so, and therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would do any differently if I were in the same position, and that therefore, my focus should not be in becoming a billionaire in itself, but rather to adjust the system within myself to be a living example that human nature can change to one that is best for all and thus to within that process place myself in a position where I am able to influence the system to become one that is best for all.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, and self corrective application to uncover the ways in which the system is abusive in every aspect of how it control, influence, and affect every aspect of life on earth, and within that to uncover all the ways in which I have been limited and controlled through money and to no longer justify the current system but to stand up and find ways to adjust the system so that it supports all life equally, even if that means giving up my dream of living as a billionaire while everyone else is not able to, but within this to show that the standard of living for EVERY person can be higher than the vast majority of humanity, even myself, have ever experienced, and that being a billionaire in the system, unless it is used to adjust the system, is of no real value.