Boredom as Self Deception

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that reacting to being bored is a sign that I am seeking some experience as a positive reward feeling.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that being bored in itself is a feeling that I use as a negative to motivate myself to seek a positive reward.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is possible to live Here on earth, breathing, and doing what is best, without feeling positive or negative, and that feeling positive is only possible by creating a negative, and creating a negative comes from judging experience as myself as not good enough as it is, and through that reaction I manipulate my surroundings and others to create a positive experience within me as some form of stimulation as a reward experience.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that this dependency on rewards as a motivator and as the basis for what I exist for stems from and comes from childhood where my parents rewarded me with something positive in order to stimulate certain behaviors or to stop me from doing certain behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in that moment of being offered a reward for changing my behavior to accept the reward, as this is me accepting that my behavior will be controlled and manipulated through rewards and punishments, which are essentially the withholding of a reward in some form, and that this leads to a society where I and everyone else are being controlled and manipulated through reward systems in the form of marketing through all the various systems that exist as politics, consumerism, education, etc where no decisions are really coming from me as a self directive principle, but are automated through a system of reward, but since I have automated the reward system in myself to happen automatically, I will feel that the decision is coming from within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others when I feel bored into giving me some form of experience to alleviate my boredom, when in fact the boredom is self created as a way to justify my manipulating my environment for a reward.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when we base parenting and education on a system of rewards, it produces a human being that is not able to reason and make decisions that are best, but is actually open to being manipulated by others through rewards.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I do not have to manipulate my children, as a parent, through rewards and punishments, and that by doing, so I am in fact creating a child who is addicted to fear, either as fear of pain, in the form of punishment, or fear of loss, in the form of desire for a reward.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take boredom and desire for positive experience for granted, not realizing that they are only existing within me because of my acceptance and participation within them within myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that boredom is a symptom of not being here in the moment expressing myself as what is best, and that it is not a matter of me 'thinking' about what to do to alleviate my boredom, but a matter of stopping participation in the feeling of boredom, because whatever I do within the context of 'alleviating boredom' is still using boredom as a stimulation to act or speak and thus I am acting within manipulating my environment from the starting point of trying to get positive energy, and thus the real solution is to continue to walk my process, to dismantle the systems of reward motivation that I have accepted and allowed within myself and to stop participation in boredom in the moment when/as it comes up within me, understanding that it is simply a manifested consequence of my past acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only valid reward is the creation of a system that is best for all, and that within that I would never have any lack, I would be supported to exist within/as my full potential as a being and thus boredom would not be something that comes up because there would be no more games of competition for energy.

I commit myself to investigate and expose through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application all the ways in which I and we as humans participate in seeking reward and avoiding pain which distract us from examining the systems that we have accepted and allowed which automatically create inequality, and that the systems are both internal and external and thus I commit myself to stop participation within the systems of reward that I participate within and without and to find solutions to the systems without so that our world functions in a way where all are equally rewarded with that which is best for all life at all times and thus no imbalance or inequality is created which would produce states of living that create inner boredom, suffering, or apathy as a reaction to not being support effectively to be here within one's full capacity and potential as a human being.

Trapped in a Prison of Love

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize that every relationship that I have ever formed was based on the desire to create energy for myself in the form of experience and memories.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I experience a feeling or an energy within me when talking to someone, looking at someone, interacting with someone, thinking about someone or even simply being with someone that I am in fact converting my physical body as the physical substance into the energy that I am experiencing, that I am in fact sacrificing a part of me physically in order to experience this energy and that the energy is not coming from nowhere and it is not coming from the other person and it is not coming from "God" as I perceive God to be something that can supply me with energy without end with no consequence.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/realize/understand that every relationship I have formed/am within has either fallen apart due to this desire for me to experience energy or has entered a state of 'stability' where there is agreement either tacit or explicit that I am allowed to use the relationship to generate energy for myself, and this we sometimes call love but other times we call it co-dependency or other times we call it abuse or sometimes we call it just an easy and simple relationship depending on whether we have defined the relationship in positive/negative/ or neutral terms, but in all of these cases I am participating in emotions, thoughts and feelings, within myself that come up automatically and which I justify in my mind in many different ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting energy for myself is the purpose of a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is on other way to exist in relationship without the experience or constant generation of feelings, emotions and thoughts to/towards the other person or myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the obvious point that the energy called love is temporary, which is why we have terms like 'the honeymoon phase' and that this is the main driver of divorce and separation between married couples where because the partners never established a real physical support and standing within the principle of what is best for all, they only ever participated in feelings and emotions and when the spark goes out they search for a new spark within an affair or a new marriage or a new sports car or a new baby, and never question the starting point of using relationship or another person as a way to generate a feeling within oneself.


I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I and society calls 'love' is really nothing more than just an experience of an energetic feeling within oneself and that this feeling is generated within according to certain symbols which will vary from person to person and some of which are common to most people, and that in itself this feeling is of no value other than the value I have placed on it, and yet I haven't realized that the feeling is actually a form of self abuse.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to forget/ignore all the times I have felt bad or negative as a result of me not feeling love towards/from another person's actions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the desire to feel love or any other feeling is no different to a drug addict who is doing a drug to feel a certain feeling as positive or to attempt to cover up/suppress a feeling of something as negative.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that many atrocities and abuse are done in the name of love.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have justified abusing myself and others through love.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize how I and others are allowing ourselves to manipulated and controlled through the word 'love'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am able to do what is best for myself and another even without any feeling of 'love' whatsoever, because doing what is best is a physical action and 'love' is a feeling, in so far as I have defined it in that way.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that only a being who has not had what they really need would search for a feeling of love, because a being who is supported to have what they need and to be competent to coexist in the world in a way that is best for all would have no feeling of lack ever and thus within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the desire to experience love is based on my acceptance and allowance of a starting point of lack within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on love primarily as a feeling within myself and that when I am self honest with myself I can see how I have participated in this feeling within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to understand that the reason participating in love as a feeling is not best for all is that it is simple/easy to manipulate how I feel or how another feels through symbols which are not real/offer no substance and are not in fact giving to another person what is best for them, but these symbols generate a feeling and that the abuse comes from the point that I will use the feeling as confirmation that love is existing instead of looking at whether an action has produced a result that is best, physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone experiencing the feeling of love within themselves is more important than having their physical needs met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that suffering and abuse exist on earth because God loves us and wants to give us free will so that we may love him freely, when in fact I am only justifying that the abuse continue as long as I am able to feel the energy of love within me, not realizing that if I were on a planet where everything I need physically is guaranteed and that I could trust all other beings in fact because all had the starting point to always do what was best, that this state of existence would be positive beyond anything I have ever felt or could even imagine feeling, because I have only ever experienced a temporary, fleeting feeling called love in the context of a world where lack, competition, and abuse is the norm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love in a relationship, where love is based on each partner's desire for a feeling, guarantees that the relationship will likely fail or will never produce an outcome that is best for all, because each partner will compromise themselves in order to generate the feeling, where one would not stand up for what is best because it might jeopardize one's ability to generate the feeling of love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for considering that I should not participate in the feeling of love, which would indicate that in fact, love is the same as guilt and that love implies guilt - guilt being 'original sin' or 'flawed human nature' or the acceptance that humans are inherently bad, showing that love is a reaction to this internalized guilt to make oneself feel better about accepted the 'fact' that one is bad and cannot change, when it is the participation in feelings over doing what is best that makes one 'bad' in fact and that this CAN be changed through self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that just because something 'feels good' that it has no bearing on whether it is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge drug addicts when in fact I am addicted to feelings and emotions and thoughts as energy.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the consequence of placing feelings and emotions as more important than simply doing what is best is that my relationships will be subject to the ebb and flow of emotion and the influence of media where the game is to attempt to manipulate my and my partner's feelings and emotions through symbols to put me into a state where I feel 'not good enough' so that I will seek out things to buy or do that will make me feel 'good'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have used the threat of withholding love as a way to control the behavior of others and that this is the primary control mechanism that parents use to control their children which produces a society of adults that feel unloved and thus are always seeking love instead of being stable within themselves, giving as they want to receive, where giving is a physical action, not an experience within themselves and that I can never know what another person is feeling but I can assess with common sense whether I am giving to them what is best.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that love is a trap, which we use to ensnare other into a special relationship that gives energy to our minds and which traps us in cycles of addition as we need more and more everytime we come down from the feeling of love and that this is a major driving force behind consumerism as is evident in holidays like valentine's day and christmas where symbolism is used to generate feelings so that we do not question why we are trading our time for money to buy gifts for each other that have no physical value while half the world starves.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have trapped myself in a prison of love that blinds me from what is really going on on earth and that I use this feeling to entertain me instead of focusing my attention on real problems and the one REAL problem that faces me which is death and that I have not allowed myself to realize that the feeling of love will end at death and that this proves that love is not real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I and everyone else are trapped in a prison where everyone is looking for love and in this is not GIVING what all would require as physical needs for this prison to become a paradise, in fact, and that no one is willing to GIVE first because we all only really care about our own feeling of love inside, and yet not realizing that the ONLY WAY to get love for real, everlasting, is to ensure that everyone has what they need so that there is no more need for competition or fighting or struggle for survival and that this condition would create a family of man where each one love each other as themselves.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that REAL LOVE would be to create a system that ensures that all have equally what they require to exist in an optimal state, here, physically, and that all feelings, whether negative or positive, are unimportant and of no value where they interfere with the creation of such a system, and thus I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to place feelings in the proper context, where as I walk the process of self correction as myself and this world, I GIVE to all and myself equally and thus I will eventually RECEIVE equally which is what LOVE ought to be, as a physical expression and manifestation.

I commit myself to investigate all the ways in which I have used 'love' as a feeling within myself as a justification to not consider how I am living/acting in relationships practically/physically.

I commit myself to investigate and uncover and expose all the ways in which we have used love in society in order to justify abuse and consumerism that have caused consequences that are not best for all.

I commit myself to stand as an example that one can do what is best for all and yet not expect any feelings of love or participate in feelings of love, nor any feelings at all, and within this I commit myself to the process of stopping all feelings as this will support me to stand here within the principle of what is best for all where I am able to do what needs to be done, no matter how I feel, and thus I am no longer allowing myself to be controlled and manipulated by those who have mastered the law of attraction to distract us from what is here, because I stand clear, breath by breath, assessing my reality and doing what is necessary to adjust the system so that REAL LOVE as giving to all equally can in fact exist for the first time on earth.

Demystifying Parenting

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my child is simply copying the patterns that I present as me as the living word through my actions, statement, and emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that what I participate in within myself, as thoughts, feelings, and emotions as reactions, judgments, projections, fears, desires, everything, is transferring to my child in the first 7 years just by them being in my presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to control my child to become a better human than I am, and that whatever methods I employ in order to control my child are justified.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am a copy of my parents.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that, unless I take self direction within a process of examining all of my own inner reactions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions to see where I am participating in patterns that are not best for all, I will be nothing more than an amalgamation of my parents, my early childhood environment, and the media/education system and that when I become a parent this will automatically transfer to the child at a speed which I will not be able to prevent consciously because my body will be communicating with my child at a level beyond my conscious awareness because conscious awareness is actually extremely slow and limited.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in order for me to produce a child that is best, I must be the best as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty that I have not done my best to become the best version of myself possible within the context of the world as it is currently and that I have made excuses as to why I must rather focus on my own survival or my own feelings as of primary importance, not realizing that it is guaranteed that I will not survive due to the obvious existence of death, and that my feelings are only temporary and by aligning myself with my feelings and emotions I am ensuring that the only legacy I will leave behind is in the form of a dysfunctional child who must then deal with the mess I left and it will in fact be harder because they will have the same justifications that I had and will have seen the example that I left of giving into the temptation to rather just go along with how things are rather than stand up, even though I knew better.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that parenting can be a real joy where one experience the unfolding of both another being as my child as well as the unfolding of a new relationship with another being as my child where I support my child as an equal and yet individual and where I receive back appreciation of the support I have given as the expression of a child who is stable within being able to use common sense and reason and always acting in a way that is best for all, which means that my child can be something that I am truly proud of as I can be proud of myself for giving my true best effort to support life in another as I would have liked Life to be supported within me from birth, and yet I must give that support to myself as well, otherwise I will not be able to support another as Life, because I cannot give what I am not willing to give myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that Jesus gave the best parenting advice in the statements that one should 'give as they want to receive' and to 'do unto another as one would want another to do unto themselves', and yet this statement as the principle of equality between parent and child is not lived in any way as parents only do to their child the abuse that was done to them, which is not what they would have liked to receive, and thus the cycles of abuse between child and parent continue in manifold, even subtle, ways that contribute to the world continuing as a system that abuses life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents without considering that they were only copies of their parents and were not aware that they could change, but I am aware and thus I am now responsible for changing me and thus I forgive my parents as myself so that I will not transfer the sins of the fathers (and mothers) onto the generations of children to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my children are special and more important than other children, while at the same time recognizing that I have a specific relationship and therefore responsibility to my children primarily as the one from whom my children will learn to be a human being and how to live, and yet since my children are in fact equal to all children in value, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the same excuses I have used to not do what is best for my children are what I have used to not stand up and change the system so that all parents and children are able to receive and give the best support possible.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that punishment, time outs, behavioral control, slapping, hitting, spanking, emotionally charged yelling, and withholding attention are unnecessary as a parent and do not serve to support my child as an equal to develop self awareness and self responsibility as an equal participant and co creator of reality, but instead only serve to instill fear and thus make my child more manipulable by a system based on fear and thus by using such tactics I am condemning my child to be a slave to the system who will never stand up and question anything because they will be afraid of punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents for hitting, spanking, placing my time out,  yelling at me from an emotional starting point, and withholding attention when in fact they were copying and doing what was done unto them and they did not know that they could change, but I do and thus I am responsible to change myself, to remove the trauma, the abuse, and the fear within me so that I am no longer controlled through such tactics as an adult and so that I will not abuse my child in the same way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that children require patience, understanding, explanation, physical presence, attention, focus, care, and support for their basic needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see that when my child falls down and I react emotionally that this imprints on them and in fact supports the development of a way to seek attention in the child by prolonging crying or using crying as a way to cause me to react emotionally, and that if a child is supported properly, that when they fall down or get hurt they will only cry for the moment they are experiencing physical pain, and will learn how to calm themselves down if I remain calm and yet am there for them physically.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when my child falls down and hurts themselves that the best response is to not react emotionally, which requires prior preparation on my part to remove reactions before they come up, and to simply hold my child, allow them to cry, and ask calmly and patiently if/where the child is hurt and to then assess whether immediate medical attention is required or whether to simply be there holding the child while they process the experience, and as the child is able to calm themselves down then to ask them what happened and explain to them what happened where they were not aware so they can develop an understanding of physics, pain, consequence, and how their body functions in a common sense way, not based on fear, and not use any form of using pain to teach a lesson but rather to support my child to develop an understanding of how our physical world/bodies work.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that tools exist to develop the communication between parent and child to a level that many would not even be aware of as being possible and that the evidence that such tools work exists.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that parenting is the key to re-educating humanity and that as a parent or parent-to-be or even as just a human being who will contribute to and participate in this world, I will have to re-educate myself because I did not receive effective parenting as a child.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and corrective application are the keys to changing myself and this world into one that is best for myself and for all others including all of the children to come.

I commit myself to stand as an example of the best form of parenting even in a world of conditionality where the circumstances are less than what is best, to show that nothing can stop me from standing as what is best and therefore there is no excuse possible to continue to allow child abuse in any form whether directly or indirectly by allowing the continuing of a system that produces ineffective parents who are solely focused on survival.

I commit myself to stand as an example that I can be the best parent and I can stand in a position of changing the system to one that supports life and that I do not have to compromise myself in order to make money to survive, even though I know that a system that takes care of survival as a matter of course is best, I will show that this is not a valid excuse to not stand as what is best here and now.

I commit myself to challenge other parents when they use justification to not be the best parent possible.

I commit myself to share with other parents how I am standing as a parent, and to support wherever possible other parents to be the best possible parents they can.

I commit myself to share the tools that I use to support myself to change and to support my children to develop common sense, self awareness, effective reasoning and a reasonable character that will support all life as equal and one while also developing the ability to stand in the system in a position of change so that eventually the system will only support what is best.

Everything is Energy Or Is It?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and others through the pursuit of happiness as a justification to only seek the experience of energy within myself and the formation of memories within myself for my own reflection and re-experience of the energy which I associated to the memories.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that in seeking energy as experience, that I did not consider or care where I was getting the energy from, and that I even have made myself believe that the energy is just me, even though common sense is that it is not me because I have to generate it and it does not always exist at all times, constant, natural.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to abuse my body through choosing what foods and what quantities of food to eat solely from the perspective of the energetic experience I will get as either comfort, excitement, fun, or to create a memory within myself to be re-experienced later or as part of a tradition or ceremony to generate an experience or memory within myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my participation within using energy to create and attach to memories is the primary reason why my memory degrades over time and that I haven't realized that I am overloading my body with energy for a temporary experience either in the moment or later as a memory to be experienced at the cost of my physical body and that this is also why human beings age and become to look like demons by the time they die.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have been using EVERYTHING in my life as a way to generate an experience of energy and that this is not a substantial, real way to live, it is in fact void of substance, and literally so in that I am converting the physical substance of my body and reality into energy not having realized that I am using up my own life essence just for a temporary experience/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that 'everything is energy' because when a scientist looks at reality all they perceive is energy, because our very starting point is to only measure the energy that exists and not the physical substance as, within ourselves, we all, scientists, thiests, athiests, everyone, do not actually believe the physical universe is real, because we have been educated through example and through our own self acceptance to believe that only energy is real, because that justifies what we are doing within ourselves as our minds.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the reason why everything appears to be energy is that we have, out of the physical substance of reality, used separation as a way to create friction and to experience the rush of energy that comes from that friction, and thus we are constantly and have been constantly 'vibrating' reality into a state of constant conflict. Within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is the constant conflict that I have accepted as reality itself that I further feel the need to experience the positive or strive for things I don't have because I have through my participation in reality manifested it and myself into a state of constant conflict and separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don't want to experience negativity or conflict as an excuse to not hear anything that would challenge what I am doing and what the world is doing as a result of our automation of this constant conflict creation through the money system and through our participation within it.

I commit myself to investigate all the ways in which I have created relationships that generate conflict as negative feelings or feelings as a positive experience through writing and through self-forgiveness and corrective application, realign those relationships within myself to stop the constant creation of conflict or positive feedback, as I realize that in doing so, I am stopping the abuse of myself/the physical and to investigate the ways in which I have accepted and allowed the world system to become automated in producing constant conflict and to thus place myself in a position to adjust the system and/or to stand and speak up and question and support others to see what we are accepting and allowing collectively.

I commit myself to walk into resistance and negativity and to breathe and direct and to, where I find myself reacting and participating in a way that is not directive and only supports the renewal of my mind as energy, I take note and I investigate and correct through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application.

Freedom isn't Free when Survival has a Pricetag

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that in my current form with the world as it is, I do not have real freedom.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I am a slave to both my mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and to the world-system as a consumer and user of the money system, and that without having thoughts, feelings, and emotions as motivators to act, I would be lost, and without money to use to by the things that I need, I would have no way to survive in this world, and that without a money system and laws to dictate to me the ways that are acceptable/possible for me to make money I would not be able to do anything this world except beg for money/steal from others who are participating in the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that capitalism, as it is, is justified because it gives me a sense of freedom, but this freedom is only something in my imagination because when I am honest with myself, I realize that I cannot do anything without money and money preoccupies most of my time and energy, and that the 'freedom' that I experience within capitalism is actually a program that was instilled into me as a belief from a young age and that images of communism and socialism producing abusive and horrible life conditions for many have been used to imprint these thoughts and feelings of capitalism being superior, because emotion creates memories, and that I am not allowing myself to realize that even in a capitalist system, millions live in poverty, physical, sexual and emotional abuse is rampant, divorce rates are high and there is always the constant threat that the system will be brought down by those that are on the lacking end of the system.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the alternative to capitalism is neither socialism nor communism nor any system that has ever existed or been conceived of previously because all of those systems are conceived of within the starting point that human nature cannot be changed, and thus the only options that are seen as possible, within that starting point are absolute dictatorial control (which is obviously unacceptable) and absolute freedom to do whatever one wants, even to abuse within the bounds of law which simply defines what kind of abuse is acceptable and who is protected from the consequences of abuse (those who have money) - which is also obviously unacceptable, and that if I were to consider that human nature can change to be benevolent and consider what is best for all, then a system that maximizes freedom and yet does not allow for abuse would be possible, but this would only be possible in a world where all are choosing what is best as self-willed equals, all with an equal capacity to process information and to live effectively without fear or mistrust between individuals.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to consider that human nature can change to that where a human being considers what is best for all life at all times and always act within that starting point.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the examples I have seen or that I imagine where humans are abusive, and thus use to justify that human nature cannot change, are all from within the context of a system that is not giving to each what they require to live effectively and thus setup, in advance of a person being born, a set of rules where the only way to have what one needs and wants is to abuse others and oneself.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to question my belief that human nature cannot change to be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in questioning whether human nature can change, to immediately reject the possibility that it can, not realizing that this is a program of thought and belief imbued with energy and feeling that is a defense mechanism placed into me, which I have accepted, by the system to ensure it's own survival regardless of the cost of human life, including mine and those of my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that billionaires are justified because secretly I want to be a billionaire even though, self honestly, I don't believe I can be a billionaire because I also believe that being a billionaire is abusive and I would like to pretend that I am not abusive even though I secretly envy the life of a billionaire and therefore would justify the existence of billionaires, making me an accomplice to the abuse that is required to be a billionaire in the context of the current system, and yet the reality is, the reason I am not a billionaire is simply because I do not have the program of a billionaire, it is not about choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being rich or poor is a choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have choice in the current system, which I call freedom, even though my choices are extremely limited and virtually every choice, reagardless of what I choose in that choice, will lead to abuse in some form either directly or indirectly of myself and/or others, because that is the nature of the system currently, because that is the nature of human beings currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy being a billionaire because I want to experience a lifestyle of luxury.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only valid reason for becoming a billionaire in the system is to be in a position to adjust the system to one that supports all life equally and yet no billionaire that currently exists is doing so, and therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would do any differently if I were in the same position, and that therefore, my focus should not be in becoming a billionaire in itself, but rather to adjust the system within myself to be a living example that human nature can change to one that is best for all and thus to within that process place myself in a position where I am able to influence the system to become one that is best for all.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, and self corrective application to uncover the ways in which the system is abusive in every aspect of how it control, influence, and affect every aspect of life on earth, and within that to uncover all the ways in which I have been limited and controlled through money and to no longer justify the current system but to stand up and find ways to adjust the system so that it supports all life equally, even if that means giving up my dream of living as a billionaire while everyone else is not able to, but within this to show that the standard of living for EVERY person can be higher than the vast majority of humanity, even myself, have ever experienced, and that being a billionaire in the system, unless it is used to adjust the system, is of no real value.

Perception is Not Reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the perception is reality.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is basic common sense that perception is not reality, because my perceptions are based on information that is processed in my body as stimulus from my environment and/or from within my body as physical/chemical processes that when processed by the body stimulate the mind to produce a picture/feeling/thought/sensation/emotion that I then experience in/within/as my mind and therefore, clearly there is a physical reality that exists outside of my perception and that I am thus filtering information from the environment, through my mind, based on the information programmed into my body and the meanings that I have with regards to certain words and how I have defined my relationship towards the experience of energy within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the statement that reality is perception or perception is reality is a justification for myself and others to exist as the mind, as experience, only and not as something real, physical, here in actual reality, and that through this acceptance I create little bubbles as my own individual 'reality' which is really just imaginary, by definition, and thus I am not real, and I am not really here in reality in full awareness, I am really just watching a movie while reality moves around me and as me without my full participation, because I have abdicated my self responsibility to direct physical reality to automated systems that are based on the continued existence of myself and others as being able to continue watching the movie in my head which I call my 'perception' and I call my 'reality' but it is not in fact any more real than a movie on my laptop or in a movie theater is real, because the moment the electricity turns off, the movie stops, and so the moment that my body dies, my perceptions stop.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that perceptions can easily be manipulated from the outside if one knows how to stimulate the body to produce a certain affect and that this is how all brainwashing is done through media, education, politics, advertising, etc and that if I continue to accept reality as only existing in my perception, then I am leaving myself open to be manipulated because I am not directing the physical environment outside of my mind as one and equal, it is being directed by a money system that only wants me to remain as a consumer to continue the existence of the money system, and I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I have actually been ok with this because up until now I have only interested in watching the movie in my head and entertaining myself with the movie I call 'my happiness'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have not directly created my reality in a way that is best because I have allowed to become only an observer of my perceptions and that I programmed my perceptions primarily in the first 7 years of my life through my natural learning ability absorbing/integrating/copying the patterns of those in my environment and through education and media and advertising and now I am simply watching the result of preprogrammed, automated perceptions running as programs within my mind based on stimulation from my environment.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the common sense that reality is what is physically here, and that my perceptual ability is extremely limited and thus if I define my reality as perception, I have effectively cut myself off from a vast universe and that my mind/perception is like watching a movie about someone on an adventure rather than going on an adventure, but I have convinced myself that as long as I FEEL like I went on an adventure, then that is the same thing, which indicates that I am not in fact ALIVE, but just a program that observes the content of memories, I am no more alive, as how I have defined myself, as a computer screen is alive, which simply displays the contents of the computer's memory based on input (external stimulation) received through the keyboard, for instance.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am not here, directing physical reality as what is best but, instead sitting back allowing the continued existence of an automated system  that just generates predictable experiences for myself and everyone else, specifically those that are not best - because those are creating friction within the environment and within myself which then creates a fear point, specifically around survival, so that the constant focus of my attention is on survival, and even my pursuit of happiness is just an attempt to try and create a new movie in my head that seems to be better but is really just like trying to switch the channel after watching a scary movie, the 'happiness movie' is not really that great but it seems to help me forget about the scary movie, and so I create a positive called 'happiness' which takes my mind off of the negative called 'survival' and yet because I am not directing reality, physically, in a way that is best, the scary movie as 'surivival' always comes back into my perceptions, because as I have realized, it is the physical reality that DETERMINES my perceptions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the fact that I constantly have to focus on positivity and feeling good otherwise I will feel bad or negative is an indicator that the physical reality is constantly stimulating me in a negative way and thus I have not been able to automate an effective positive experience that I can just feel naturally all the time, never questioning why I feel the need to do so in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I were to turn off the movie, I could see what is really here physically and then direct in a way where life is always positive, but it would be positive in a way that far beyond and transcending every idea I have of positive, because every idea I have as positive is really just the avoidance of negative, not an actual expression of me here as life physically, and that if I continue to exist only as my perception as my feelings, thoughts, and emotions, that I will never know what true positivity really is, because I will never be able to create it, because real creation happens in the physical, not the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the mind is a tool, a technology, a machine, not me in fact, it is not alive, and because I have, through my directive will, identified and defined myself as the mind only, I am not alive, and I am just a machine, and that if I do not stop, I will never be REAL.

I commit myself to stop living only as my mind as perceptions of feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and get to know physical reality - through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective action - to see where I have abdicated my full participation in reality by identifying repeating patterns of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up automatically towards an event or person or situation.

I commit myself to really question my starting point within who I am, what I am doing here, how I am interacting with others, to identify where I am really just looking to experience a feeling or emotion or how a thought automatically comes up which when followed and participated in generates a feeling or emotion and thus within this I can begin identifying how I have constructed a movie that I live in instead being here, directing what is here, creating a new world that is best for all.

Redefining 'Giving as We Want to Receive' in a World of Conditional Giving

What does it mean to give as we want to receive in the context of this world?

It is easy to deceive ourselves, but if we do, we will have to face the consequence of such a deception, so let us tread carefully and really investigate and consider what this concept implies. It can also be formulated as "do unto another as you would have them do unto you".

In this formulation it is also quite easy to deceive ourselves, so let us look at the ways in which we have done so, so that we can get to the bottom of these statements, because when we really investigate them, we will find that they hold the key to creating heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'doing unto another as I would have another do unto me' as merely the act of being kind, or smiling, or contributing to a charity, or giving a friend a helping hand, or any other individual act that I perform only when the opportunity arise or when I become aware of a need in the moment. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I use these acts to deceive myself from really understanding what 'doing unto another' or 'giving as I want to receive' really means.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the reason people have hardships or lack what they need is due to the fact that we live in a world system that is not designed in a way to prevent lack, and in fact creates lack for many unnecessarily while only a few benefit more than necessary.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use the idea that "I am a good person because I help others in need" as a way to deceive myself to not look at how I in fact contribute to the world system being what it is so that it creates tremendous lack and suffering for many, including many children.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all charities that purport to feed the hungry or clothe the poor or otherwise help those in unfortunate circumstances all exist within the context of the same system that is generating the problem which is the inequality that is the lack and that in fact these charities, although the intention may be to help those in need, in fact make the situation worse, because they serve, in the bigger picture, to placate those who see the problem and want to do something about it and yet misdirect them in such a way they will never stand up and solve the problem once and for all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that small individual acts of kindness or large charitable acts do not solve the problem of inequality and lack and only serve to give those who perform the acts or contribute to the charities a feeling that they are doing something good and thus the problem is never solved for real.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have not in fact been interested in solving the problem, that I don't in fact care about solving the problem, that the problem of lack and inequality is actually something that I use to generate energy within myself which I experience as being a 'good person' and that this is evident because when someone or something points out to me that I am only doing so because I get a good feeling out of it, I become defensive and angry, which indicates that I am trying to protect this belief construct within me because otherwise I would have no reaction and would instead clearly explain how what I am doing solves a problem so that another may see for themselves and correct the error of their thinking, judgment, and/or ways.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I support/contribute to/believe in charities and charitable causes as a way to avoid self responsibility for contributing to/causing/supporting the problem which the charity purportedly addresses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea that there are so many 'good things' going on in the world that they cancel out or make irrelevant all the 'bad things' that occur - not allowing myself to see/realize/understand that if something good happens to one person that has no affect on the person to which something bad is happening, and the only way I can support such a statement is if I look at life and all living things as numbers on a spreadsheet where individual experiences and lives are irrelevant in the bigger picture, though I would not, of course, apply this thinking to my OWN LIFE as I have placed my OWN LIFE as the most important, although I will deny it if asked, even within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that 'my life' is more important than another life, and that I have, while accepting this, deceived myself by pretending to believe or assert that all life matters, even though my actions do not show this, they show the opposite in terms of my actual starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of giving to charities as an excuse to not have to implement a system that values and thus gives to all equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the words communism and socialism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive and empowered by the word capitalism.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the word equality does not imply communism nor socialism, nor does it preclude capitalism, and the fact that such an association exists within me is due to my having been imprinted with and accepted and allowed such an imprint within me from my environment through my parents, education, and media.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the idea that giving must be done voluntarily is a way I deceive myself to not consider what giving really is and that if it depends on my conscious act in a moment or only when there already exists a problem, that this is not a solution, and instead a way of deceiving myself from realizing/considering/acknowledging that I do not want the system to change because I do not want to change, because I am comfortable the way I am, regardless of how that might affect others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the statement that all have an equal opportunity in this world as a reason to not change the system to one that values and gives to all life equally as a way to not have to change anything or myself, when in fact the evidence is clear if I were to look and be self honest that all do not have the same opportunities, that many are born with inferior nutrition, which permanently affects brain development and IQ, inferior education - especially in the most imporant early years, which permanently affects ones ability to compete in the current system and earn an effective living, inferior parenting where some experience constant daily physical/emotional/sexual abuse that leaves a permanent scar on the person's psyche so that the person is not able to see themselves as equal to other's in relationship and so will continue to allow abuse or in fact be the abuser later in life, automatically without realizing it in many cases, and these are only a few examples of how everyone does not have an equal opportunity because simply that an opportunity exists is not the only reason a person is able to take advantage of it, it is how well the person is prepared that makes the difference and the vast majority of a person's preparation for life occurs in the first 7 years, which we know are not effective for the VAST majority of humans beings on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a system that gives to all equally is a form of theft, within the justification that I and others work for what they have and thus those who do not work have no right to what I have worked for as money, even though it is a fact that the money I have worked for was created out of thin air and only given out with the expectation that it is paid back with interest and so I am not actually creating anything of my own, I am in fact a slave in a debt system, and yet I justify my slavery and that of others because I believe that I am free, but in fact the only choice I have is whether to continue to accept and allow the enslavement of myself and everyone else or to stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I work I create something that is 'mine' when in fact that is only so due to the laws that we have created and is thus existing primarily in my imagination and yet made physical through systems of protection that protect those with money from those without.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my imagination is quite limited and that there must be a way we can create a system of equality that gives to all equally while maximizing individual freedom within the context of what is best for all and that such a system would in fact create a life experience for me and everyone else that is far superior to our current life experience in every way imaginable and even beyond our imagination.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that my imagination is the product of a system that is designed to enslave me for the benefit of only a few and thus I cannot trust my imagination without question.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the sun gives its energy to the earth freely with no expectation for something in return or the repayment of its energy with interest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that human beings, although we believe we are the highest form of life on earth and the most evolved or that we have dominion over the physical, are in fact less than the sun in our willingness to give to each other unconditionally within the realization that we would in fact receive as we have given.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that, in the current system, I have given virtually everything of myself to be able to make money and have a basic form of comfort, so much so that I have barely been able to enjoy any moment of my existence free of worry, anxiety, fear, or discomfort, and so my life is a complete contradiction, because all I have done is work for my survival, when a system could be designed that creates the conditions so that all survive as a matter of course and existence becomes something other than constant focus on survival and that I may have to give some of my time and labor towards such a system but that if we as humans were to sit down and really put our focus on designing such a system that would benefit all equally, then we could create something that requires FAR LESS of our time and labor, individually, to support and would in fact improve our lives beyond anything we can currently conceive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myselt to misuse my imagination to prevent me from seeing how to free myself and everyone else by simply firstly recognizing that we are all in fact equal, and that a system that supports all equally is not something that would have to be imposed, because it would be working with the reality of what is here, and that it would simply have to be agreed upon and implemented, and yet the current system is constantly imposed through threat and fear of not surviving to force most to do what they would rather not do otherwise, and in this I have created an idea that many will be lazy if they were not forced to work to survive, when I haven't realized that if there were a system of equality and parents were supported effectively they could show their children that it is in everyone's best interest to support such a system and they could learn how to live in such a system so that they are willing to give whatever labor is required (which would be far and substantially less than what is required currently, which is essentially one's entire life and being) and then we could have a system that does not put people in a constant state of fear, anxiety, and lack which is the source of virtually all abuse, theft, laziness, and power struggle.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that an equality system could be implemented through mutual agreement and does not require force, although it would require an educated population, and that our current system is in fact maintained by force and without agreement, except for the manufactured agreement obtained through forcing everyone through a dumbing down process which we call school/education where people are produced who cannot reason effectively, are highly emotionally reactive, and have no common sense or ability to see reality directly and thus are in fact begging for a system or authority to take responsibility for them even if they can see that that system has not served anyone in the best way, they will take it because they have no ability to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the reason I want to protect what I believe is mine is that we have created/accepted/allowed a world where giving is conditional and that if we were to reengineer the system to one of unconditional giving, my entire life would change to be one of unconditional receiving from all and that would in fact be what I have been searching for as 'Bliss'.

I commit myself to investigate/explain/expose/demonstrate how, through effective education, we can produce a person who is able to reason  effectively and be able to cooperate with other humans naturally and without the need to dominate.

I commit myself to investigate/explain/expose/demonstrate how, through effective parenting, a child can be supported to understand unconditional giving, to recognize the equality of all life, and to be able to live effectively in a system that supports all equally and that maximizes individual freedom in the context of what is best for all.

I commit myself to investigating/exposing how all of the current ways of addressing problems in this world, in fact, support the continuation/creation of the problems and are at best band-aids that do not solve the problems, and at worst prevent people from seeing/recognizing and standing up and solving the problem in actuality.

I commit myself to expose all those who stand against equality of all life to show how really they are accepting fear, separation, and are unwilling to change themselves and in fact have become like system agents to protect the system at all costs, and to show that through writing, self-forgiveness, and corrective application one can change oneself to see and stop the problem within, to release fear, to realize fear is not real, to realize that there is nothing to fear, and to understand that in fact, all fear is due to the continued acceptance of the system which is driving further separation of ourselves from Life and that by stopping it within and without we can create a world that would best be described as Heaven on Earth and that this is something that must be done freely by each one and further I commit myself to stand as a living example that it is possible so that others might join me in letting go of the illusions that we have created within and without so that we might find out what Life is for real.